What is a crucial conversation?

A crucial conversation is usually challenging and quite often something we shy away from. It will either have high stakes, strong emotions or opposing opinions.

Handled well, crucial conversations can effectively resolve issues in the workplace, drive much-needed behaviour change, or convey important information in a sensitive, caring and thoughtful way. Handled poorly, they can cause lasting damage and upset as a result of heightened emotions and judgemental thinking.

So why do we all so often jump into these conversations with little thought, or worse still, avoid them completely? It’s because we are humans, it’s part of our nature. We fear making matters worse and the longer we leave it the more challenging it becomes.

The good news is that with a little guidance you can learn how to manage difficult conversations as and when they arise – whether it’s at work, or in your personal life.

Having difficult conversations

First thing’s first – it takes practise, and practise makes perfect. It may seem obvious but plan out what it is you want to say. So often this isn’t thought through and should the conversation become more challenging than you’d hoped you can easily become side-tracked and veer away from what was originally intended.

Chances are you will know the person reasonably well, so think how they might react. Of course we are all different and we cannot be 100% sure of the what might come back at us, but forearmed is forewarned.

Practise having open and inviting body language as this enables the blood and breath to flow freely through your body. A physically closed body will restrict and put an invisible hurdle between you both.

Hiding behind emails

It’s all too easy to hide behind an email and avoid the difficult conversation. It’s sadly become the default setting for many people and is far less productive than a face-to-face conversation. Some things simply must be delivered in person, and an email – which has no tone, and can easily be misconstrued – should be avoided at all costs. Having the open, frank and honest conversation, albeit a difficult one will create a better tone for future dealings with that individual.

Organisations can greatly benefit from allowing their staff to learn and practise the art of having effective and purposeful conversations. Having the capacity to skilfully address issues is key for everyone: leaders, colleagues, parents and lovers.

Top tips for crucial conversations

• Write down the key elements of the conversation that you need to get across. Having a road map of points will help you stay on track and navigate emotions that could arise
• Think about the tone of your voice and the impact that this may have on the other person
• Ask open questions which allow the other person to think and take ownership of their answers. Closed questions don’t allow a two-way conversation
• Remember to make good eye contact and have positive physicality. Poor eye contact or an overly relaxed physical manner could suggest nervousness or uncertainty and won’t help in putting either of you at ease
• Think about the language used. Some words are very emotive and the impact they have can be upsetting for the listener or on the other hand highly supportive

It’s also worth reading the bestselling ‘Crucial Conversations – Talking when the stakes are high’ by Patterson & Grenny.

Practising crucial conversations

At 1948 we know that real learning comes through experience. By doing. Using actors to bring the chosen subject to life our experiential learning approach creates a safe space to experiment and allows for in the moment and impactful feedback. The results will enable you to interact in a confident and assured manner that is beneficial for all involved.

Hopefully this has been helpful but drop us a note or give us a call if you’d like any further advice.