Most of us like to think we know how we come across to other people.
We choose our words carefully. We try to appear calm under pressure and confident when presenting an idea. Yet communication is rarely confined to the words we speak.
Long before we have finished a sentence, people have often formed impressions based on something much harder to control: our expressions.
A raised eyebrow or a momentary flash of surprise.
These tiny signals can last less than a second, but they often reveal far more than we realise.
Psychologists refer to these involuntary facial expressions as microexpressions. They are brief and difficult to suppress, appearing when our emotions surface before we have had time to manage them consciously.
While much has been written about reading microexpressions in others, perhaps the more interesting question is this: what do our own microexpressions reveal about us?
Because in many ways, microexpressions are not simply about reading other people. They are about self-awareness.
The gap between intention and impact
One of the most common challenges in communication is the gap between what we intend and how we are experienced.
A leader may believe they are showing curiosity, while their expression communicates scepticism. Or a manager may think they are remaining neutral during a difficult conversation, while a fleeting look of frustration sends an entirely different message.
These moments are rarely intentional, but they matter.
This is why self-awareness sits at the heart of effective communication. Without it, there is often a disconnect between our intentions and our impact, and that disconnect can shape trust more quickly than we realise.
The face rarely lies
Microexpressions were first studied extensively by psychologist Paul Ekman, who identified several universal emotional expressions that appear across cultures.
Unlike rehearsed body language or carefully chosen words, microexpressions are difficult to fake because they happen automatically. They appear in moments of stress, surprise, disagreement or discomfort, often before we have consciously processed our own emotions.
That does not mean they should be treated as a lie detector – human behaviour is far more complex than that.
But microexpressions can provide useful clues. They invite curiosity rather than certainty and while they may not tell us exactly what someone is thinking, they may encourage us to explore further.
In this sense, emotional intelligence is less about reading minds and more about paying attention.
What actors understand about awareness
Actors spend years learning to notice subtle changes in expression and emotion, both in themselves and in others.
They know that audiences rarely respond to congruence.
When a performer says one thing while communicating something different physically, the audience senses it immediately and it’s just the same in the workplace.
People notice when enthusiasm feels forced. They recognise tension even when it goes unspoken and they pick up on emotions long before they are named.
This is why self-awareness matters so much in leadership communication.
Leaders are constantly sending signals, often without realising it and expressions can either reinforce their message or quietly undermine it.
Why this matters in difficult conversations
Microexpressions become particularly important during difficult conversations.
When stakes are high, emotions rise quickly. A fleeting look of defensiveness, irritation or surprise can shift the dynamic of a conversation before either person fully understands what has happened.
The goal is not to get rid of emotion, it’s simply to become aware of it. Because when we become more aware of our own reactions, we create space to respond more intentionally.
And often, that small pause is the difference between a conversation that escalates and one that builds trust.
The hidden side of communication
Communication starts long before we actually speak.
It lives in the countless signals we send without even noticing – and before we can understand how others experience us, we first need to understand ourselves.
Perhaps this is why self-awareness remains one of the most important — and most overlooked — communication skills.
